What I want for you
by YouOnlyKnowWhatIWantYouTo
Summary: And we all know who that might be, don't we?
1. The letter

**Hi guys! Firstly, I need to say that I love the new Jax/Tara fanfics that have recently been posted, it seems that our beloved couple are gaining more and more fans!**

**Also I'd like to thank any new followers to my stories, welcome aboard, I hope I don't disappoint.**

**So I'm back from holiday but in my desperation to write I took my laptop along to Spain so that I could write some more chapters (and also start a new story) I seriously think I might have an addiction … but at least it's a healthy one!**

**Ok, I need to explain this story a little. Basically we start with Tara's mom, Catherine, writing her last letter to Tara about how to find the ideal man. Each chapter will be entitled after one of the qualities that Catherine lists in her letter and then the chapter will be a flashback to how Jax has this quality (making her Tara's perfect man) Does that make sense? **

**The inspiration for this was a series of wall plaques, one of which I own, which are made by 'Primitives by Kathy', I hold no rights to these.**

**As always these amazing characters are owned by the marvellous Kurt Sutter, who created this world that I'm so obsessed with. I have no rights to the show. Damn it.**

**P.S. Reviews/PM's make me happy xx**

Catherine Knowles tried to steady her shaking hand as she pressed the pen to the paper. She tried to kid herself into believing that it was the drugs that had been pumped through her body just a few hours before in a vain attempt to kill the cancer that was slowly spreading through her body. But she knew it wasn't the chemo.

Doctor Radcliffe had told her that morning that Catherine's body wasn't responding to the treatment. The cancer had become too aggressive and the chemo could no longer fight it. In other words, to put it frankly, Catherine Knowles was dying. Doctor Radcliffe had been apologetic, listing various support groups for both Catherine and her family.

Her family.

Catherine pictured her young daughters face now. How many things she would miss out on seeing her daughter achieve. She would never see her graduate high school, never see her hold the medical degree that she so longed to have. Catherine wouldn't be there to calm her last minute nerves moments before she walked down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. Nor would she hold her hand, or wipe her sweating brow, as she brought a new life into the world.

It was because of Tara that Catherine's hand shook. What do you write in your last letter to your daughter? How can you put into words the love and pride that you have for this young life that you will have to leave?

Catherine inhaled deeply, the last bout of chemo had made her lethargic, as it usually did. She knew that she wanted this letter to be one of hope, of joy, to give Tara a focus in life.

And so Catherine began to write down her final piece of advice for her beloved daughter; about how to find the perfect man.

**_My darling Tara,_**

**_Happy sweet sixteenth baby girl! I'm so sorry that I'm not there to enjoy today with you, but I am there in spirit._**

**_This year will be such a big year for you, I have a feeling. I was sixteen when I met your father and we fell so madly in love. So I'm going to work on sending you an angel from heaven to help you find the man of your dreams. But until that angel arrives, here's some advice on what the perfect man should be like. _**

**_This is what I want for you, sweet daughter…._**


	2. who would move the hair from your eyes

**The first quality.**

**I know that in my story "A chance to do it better" I write about how I imagine Jax and Tara's reunion. This is just another take on it.**

**_A boy who would move the hair away from your eyes…._**

Her breath became shallow, her fast paced heartbeat pounded in her ears, deafening her to the chaos of the hospital waiting room. It had been eleven years since she had last seen him and yet here he was, just standing a few metres away from her. She could only focus on him, on how undeniably gorgeous he still was, on how his deep blue eyes, that now stared straight back at her, pinned her to the spot.

She couldn't move, so he did. The hunger of having her as close to him as possible surged through his veins and within seconds he was just inches from her. For a brief moment she thought that he would kiss her, that he would take her head into his hands and forcibly bring her lips to his. He stopped just a few inches from her, so that she could feel his hot breath brush against her red tinted cheeks. His eyes drank her in and she noticed that he was trying to calm his breathing too. They stood and savoured the sight of each other, something that they had both hungered for for far too long.

Tara found herself desperate for his touch, his kiss, the sound of his voice but it seemed that Jax was too mesmerised. And then, after what felt like a lifetime, he lifted his hand and his smooth finger tips gently brushed against her forehead to move the hair away from her eyes. She bit her lip to stop her whimper as he delicately touched her for the first time in over a decade. Her eyes scrunched together in a desperate bid to stop the outpouring of tears.

She was back where she belonged.


	3. Hold your hand & make the girls jealous

**_…Hold your hand in line at the Mall and make all the girls jealous…._**

''Babe, do we seriously have to watch this movie?''

Tara raised her eyebrows and turned to face Jax, who was leaning against the wall, looking as if he wished he was anywhere else but here. His disgruntled expression told her he was thoroughly miserable. They had been in the line for at least fifteen minutes and he had moaned throughout. It appeared that Jax Teller did not do chick flicks.

"What's the matter Teller, you worried about your street cred?"

Jax smirked and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He could really do with and beer and a cigarette right now. ''I don't mind going to see decent films, just not girly ones''

Tara laughed to herself and shook her head at him, at that moment he looked just like a spoilt brat that couldn't get his way.

''Well you chose the movie last time. Besides I did say that if you wanted to go to the Clubhouse tonight you could''

_Yeah right_, Jax thought, and he'd have been castrated if the thought even entered his mind. Jax looked at Tara up and down, appreciating how her tight jeans accentuated her long legs and how her black lacy bra just peeped above the top of her t shirt. He smiled across at her''What, and miss out on the opportunity to spend time with my gorgeous girl?''

He took a step closer to Tara, loving the pissed off look she now had in her eyes. His challenge was to try and win her back around. It was a cat and mouse game that they liked to play.

''Babe, why would I want to spend time with anyone other than you? You're my girl and that makes you my number one priority''

Tara turned to him, her resolve weakening under the lustful glare of his baby blues. She brought her face closer to his, their lips inches apart "Don't you forget it Teller''

He reached down and grabbed her hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss he whispered ''Never''

Tara couldn't help but smile at the girls in front of them who had turned to see Jax's public show of affection, the daggers in their stares directed towards her.

Tara smiled at them. Jealousy was a bitch.


	4. Sing to you at random moments

**_I own no rights to the song, they belong to The Red Hot Chili Peppers._**

**_….Someone who would sing to you at random moments…._**

Tara stirred, her eyes fluttering open quickly. The sight in front of her both annoyed and amused her. Jax stumbled around her bedroom, copious amounts of alcohol affecting his movement. Since when had jeans become so damn hard to take off? He sat on the floor, not being entirely sure how far the bed was from where he now sat, even though he had spent more nights in this room than his own in these last two years. He couldn't remember getting into her bedroom but it didn't matter now, he knew she was close.

'Ta…Tara?'' he drunkenly mumbled. He became confused and panicked when she didn't answer.

''Tara?.. Tara?!'' he said more loudly, trying to get to his feet in a desperate bid to find her.

She reached for the bedside lamp, switching it on. The action startled him and the blinding light sent him back to his knees. ''Jesus, are you… trying to blind me?'' he slurred.

''Are you trying to deafen me?'' She hastily replied, quickly assessing the state of his undress. His jeans were around his ankles, one sneaker was on the other side of the room and he had discarded his navy hoodie and t shirt on the floor next to him. It took a lot of alcohol for Jax to get into this state and it was then that Tara remembered that it had been three years since JT's passing. Jax had been at the clubhouse paying his respect by downing as much liquor as possible. Any anger she had at that moment melted away.

''I missed you'' A lazy smile came to his lips and with some effort he rose to his feet, disposing his jeans by throwing them across her room, and stumbled towards her bed. ''Anyway, I can be as loud as I want. Your dad is out…. I think''

Tara's relationship with Jax was a bone of contention between Tara and her father but it was nothing that wouldn't look better to Eddie Knowles after a few dozen whiskeys in one of the local bars.

Jax lay on top of her, pinning her tiny frame to the bed. He smiled into her neck. He began to sing.

''Twisting and turning, your feelings are burning…..''

Tara couldn't help but smile. It was their song. ''God Jax, you're so drunk''

Jax got to his knees, straddling a now giggling Tara.

''..You're breaking the girl, she meant you no harm, think you're so clever….he loves no one else''

Tara reached up to put her hand on his mouth, muffling his voice ''You're a horrible singer, Teller''

Jax nodded, his drunken stupor making his actions slow and sluggish. He took her hand from his mouth and reached down to grab her other hand that was by her side and brought them up above her head.

''That may be, babe. But my mouth is very good at other things''

And as his mouth made his way from her lips, to her neck and continued further down her body, to the place where his mouth could give her ultimate pleasure, Tara realised she couldn't agree more.


	5. A boy who would get mad at someone

Hi guys. Firstly, thanks for the reviews/PM's, they're a lovely thing to wake up to! This is a slightly longer flashback and hopefully it will compensate for the fact that I'm not posting two chapters today.

Let me know your thoughts. Enjoy x

**_….a boy who would get mad at someone if they were mean to you…_**

She thought that he hadn't noticed at first but if the truth be told Jax had cottoned on that something was wrong pretty much straight away. The first sign was when she had refused a lift from him to school that day, citing that she had a headache and the walk would clear her head. Tara never refused a chance to be Jax's back warmer on his bike, even on a blazing summer's day like today. But Jax shrugged it off, her insistence reminding him that she could be as stubborn as him at times.

He had waited at the school gates with a mixture of concern for Tara and an overwhelming need to see her harbouring his thoughts. When he saw her approach the gates he made a mental note of how she self-consciously tugged her unusually baggy t shirt down to the waist band of her jeans, as if to hide something. With a slight frown he discarded the simple gesture but there was something about the action that uneased him, Tara wasn't usually self-conscious about her body, she'd become a lot more confident in the eight months since they had begun dating. He noted that she looked a little tired, her large eyes looking somewhat smaller thanks to sleep deprivation, but when she gave him a shy smile all thoughts other than how beautiful she was left his mind.

In his need to touch her he eagerly slipped his hands around her waist and pressed her against him, causing her to yelp in pain. He quickly put her back on her feet, concerned that he may have hurt her, even though he was sure his touch was very light.

''Are you ok?''

Her brows knitted together and a grimaced smile graced her lips. She shook her head and planted her hands on his chest ''It's nothing, it's just that time of the month'' and she perched on her tip toes to plant a soft kiss on his lips ''I have to go, English starts in five and I don't want to be late. See you later''

Jax nodded, worry etched on his face as he watched her as she made her hasty retreat into the school. He knew that the 'time of the month' spiel was a lie. It had been less than three weeks ago since he had seen the bloodied tampon inside the waste basket in Tara's en suite. Jax didn't know much about biology but he did know that those timings didn't quite add up.

It was another three hours until he saw her and the need to be around her was driving him crazy. He walked down the crowded school corridors, ignoring the adoring gazes from the girls that he passed. It was then that he saw Tara, a tight lipped smile forming on his mouth as he watched her. She was taking books from her satchel and stuffing them into her locker making her completely unaware that her boyfriend was standing behind her until he leaned a little closer, taking a moment to inhale the Jasmine scent that she wore, and when his lips were just inches from her ear he whispered ''Boo''

She screamed, dropped her bag in fright and sprang away from Jax with a horrified look on her face.

''Whoa, whoa. It's me Tara, it's me'' He reached out to calm her now wrecked nerves and she stood rigid trying to control her rasped breathes. It uneased him that she looked so nervous, so timid at such an innocent gesture.

''You shouldn't do that. You frightened me'' she shot him a deadly glare as he reached down to pick up her bag.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to'' he watched her as she tried to gain her composure, noticing that the colour had drained from her face. ''Tara, what the hell is wrong with you? You haven't been right since I saw you this morning''

Tara shook her head and tried to hide her nervousness as she slowly smiled. It wasn't right that she was taking it out on him.

''I'm fine, I told you it's just that time of the month''

''Babe, this is more than just hormonal shit'' he studied her but she was desperately trying to avoid his glare, knowing that if she looked into his eyes then she would give herself away and more than likely break down.

A desperate panic started to take hold of Jax. He'd never seen Tara like this, which meant he didn't know what she was capable of when she was in this state. She didn't want to break up with him, did she? She leaned against her locker and stared down at the floor and his hands shook as he lifted her chin so that she could look at him.

''Are we good? Is everything ok between us?'' he knew his voice wavered slightly as he asked but he had never felt such a cold panic as this. He was terrified that she was about to call off the relationship and he had no idea why.

Her heart dropped as she saw the desperation in his eyes and she automatically brought her hands up and clasped his gorgeous face. Guilt engulfed her, she knew she was being unfair to him. She reached out to him, grasping his navy hoodie tightly to bring him closer. She locked eyes with his, confidently declaring ''We're great''

She reached up to meet his lips, her hands looping behind his neck.

He took her statement as confirmation that the problem wasn't between them and happily continued with the kiss, his tongue delving in to find hers and she reciprocated, hungry for his touch. He pushed her back against the lockers, relief and passion sweeping through him and both ignored the bell that informed them that class was starting. She moaned into his mouth, not caring that they were in the main corridor of the school, and his hands brought her hips closer to his own before making their way to her waist. It was as his hands delved under the thin material that she broke off the kiss and took his hands, forcing them away from her.

He looked down at her, surprise and concern clouding his features. She wasn't normally self-conscious about their public displays of affection, and should probably be less so now considering the corridors were now clear of onlookers. But it was then that he realised that it wasn't the kiss or the surroundings that made her uneasy.

He looked down at her baggy t shirt. Tara didn't profess to be a style icon but she normally wore more flattering clothes than this. He placed his hands on her hips and noticed her grimace slightly. His fingers ran across the hem of her t-shirt as he noticed her become more and more uncomfortable and his quick mind started to piece together what was wrong with her. He knew that she was hiding something from him and it appeared to be under her shirt. He started to lift the material and she quickly grabbed his wrists to stop him, a desperate plea for him not to continue.

Her stared into her panicked eyes and soothingly reassured her ''Let me see''

She swallowed in a bid to ease her now dry throat and realised that Jax had put two and two together. She nodded and allowed him to pull up her t-shirt slightly, exposing her secret to him.

Jax stared down at her naked abdomen and gritted his teeth as his eyes and mind started to comprehend what he saw before him. On Tara's stomach was a bluish black bruise that was about the size of a fist. Jax, still staring at her injury, started to slowly nod as he fitted the last piece of the puzzle. It was clear that Tara had been hit in the stomach and Jax had a hunch who had done it.

He took a step back and his steady eyes looked into hers ''He hit you?''

Tara's eyes filled with tears and she pressed her lips together. Unable to speak she just nodded.

Jax exploded. A rage that started in his gut quickly spread through his body like wildfire. His fists clenched and he stepped away from Tara to repeatedly hit the locker that stood to her right.

''The piece of shit!'' he screamed and his sun kissed face filled with a deep crimson as he imagined Tara's dad punching her in the stomach.

''Jax, stop! Please!''

But he couldn't. His fist continued to pummel the grey locker in front of him, causing the metal to buckle under the force of Jax's fist. All he could picture was Eddie Knowles' face as his fist repeatedly slammed into the solid metal. Tara reached out and pushed him away from the locker, fearing that he would seriously hurt himself. He moved away but the frenzy he felt still flowed in his veins. His blonde hair fell over his face as he paced back and force in a bid to release some of his anger. It was the first time in his life that Jax Teller had wanted to kill someone.

''He didn't mean to. He'd been on a three day binge and just lashed out''

Jax stopped in his tracks and looked across at the girl he loved. Was she defending her dad?

''And that makes it ok Tara?!'' his expression was incredulous, his eyes wide with rage.

She bit her top lip and placed her hands behind her back, leaning against the lockers. She shrugged, ''He's never done it before Jax. Afterwards he had this look in his eyes and I knew, as drunk as he was, that he hated himself. He even apologised''

Jax came closer to her and levelled his eye line with hers ''Jesus Christ Tara. He _hit_ you!''

Tara saw how angry Jax was, angry was perhaps an understatement. She'd never seen him so livid. But she knew that her father had been truly sorry for what he had done, even though drunkenness didn't justify his actions. She knew that Jax wouldn't be able to see past the violence, he hadn't seen the pain in her father's eyes as she had looked up at him from the floor. She shrugged her shoulders ''He's my dad, Jax''

Jax quickly stepped away from her, unsure of who he was talking to. Why was she sticking up for him? ''You can't expect me to let this pass, Tara''

Pure panic flooded through Tara and she lunged towards Jax, grabbing his arms and forcing him to look her in the eyes. She was suddenly frightened that Jax could do some serious harm to her father. ''Please Jax, you have to let this go. He's not going to do this again - ''

Jax scoffed ''Yeah, damn right he's not''

She clung to his forearms tighter, knowing that Jax could be capable to incredible violence if pushed and she knew that this abuse would trigger that. She knew that she shouldn't feel loyalty to her dad but she worried about his welfare nonetheless, especially if it was Jax that was dishing out the justice.

''You have to promise me that you won't hurt him. _Please _Jax''

Jax looked down at her as if she had completely lost her mind. On the night that Tara had given her virginity to Jax she had come to his house in tears. It turned out that Eddie had returned home after a lengthy binge and as Tara had tried to help him to bed he had reached out and pushed her away from him, more maliciously than he had intended. Tara had fell awkwardly, hitting her cheek on the coffee table, bruising her porcelain white skin. Jax had wanted his blood but Tara had been adamant that it had been an accident, that he hadn't hit her, the bruising was partly because of her clumsiness. She had had to barricade Jax's front door with her own body to stop him from going over to her house to kill Eddie. All she had wanted was Jax. But this abuse was obvious. How could she ask him not to retaliate to such a vicious attack on her? He shook his head and tried to softly push her away, not wanting to hear her pleas.

''If you love me you will promise me that you won't retaliate. I don't want you or the club to get involved here Jax''

Maybe it was the heartbroken look in her eyes, or the panic that he could feel flowing through her body but at some point Jax realised that in order to calm her he would have to surrender to her implorations. He stared into her desperate green eyes and solemnly replied ''I do love you Tara''

She nodded, never breaking his gaze, her soul pleaded with his to think past his hatred. ''Then promise me that you won't do anything to hurt him''

Her loyalty was lost on Jax. He desperately wanted to ask why she was defending Eddie but he knew the answer. Tara loved more deeply than anyone he had ever known and even though they both knew that what her dad had done was horrific, she had it in her heart to forgive him and see the good in him, just like she did with Jax.

Jax took a second and then lifted his hands so that they could sweep the hair from her face, his thumbs settled under her eyes to wipe away the tears that had started to trickle down her cheeks. He brought her forehead forward and rested it on his own and closing his eyes he lied to her ''I promise''

A little over three weeks later Eddie Knowles was taken to St Thomas after suffering a serious beating outside a bar that he regularly frequented on his binges.

At his hospital bedside Tara had tried to ask her bloodied and broken father who had attacked him. Eddie Knowles shrugged, being very much aware of the terrifying stare of his daughter's boyfriend across the room. Eddie, rather convincingly, insisted that he was set upon by a group of black guys, maybe in their early twenties, who had beat him to a pulp whilst helping themselves to his wallet and car keys. They weren't wearing any kuttes, just lads trying to make a name for themselves by beating up the town drunk.

Jax had to hand it to him, for a guy that could bearly remember his daughters name he couldn't half act. So much so that he had seemed to convince Tara that he was telling them the truth, even if Jax quietly knew that she suspected the club and Jax of being in on it.

But as Jax stood at the end of the bed, watching his beautiful girlfriend kiss her beloved fathers hand, his steely blue eyes met with Eddie's and the two men shared silent memories from that night.

Both men knew the truth. There was no gang or robbery. There was just Jax, who had hunted Eddie down at his local haunt and dragged him outside with many of the bewildered locals looking on as they heard the Son beat the crap out of Tara's dad.

Afterwards, as Eddie lay barely conscious, Jax knelt down and grabbed Eddie's head, burying it further into the dusty ground.

''You don't _ever_ touch her again. If you do I will finish this job''

A silent contract was made between the men that this would never be mentioned again and before Jax left he nonchalantly walked back into the bar to inform the barman that an ambulance needed to be called for an unfortunate incident that had occurred outside. The last thing Jax needed was for Eddie to die on Tara, even though to Jax Eddie Knowles would be no big loss.

It turned out that it was a promise to Tara that Jax couldn't keep.


	6. comfort you on difficult days

Can I just say a massive thank you for the reviews and PM's, especially to McIlwain and Elbeewoods for their frequent support. To the people who take the time out to review regularly, such as wishuy and mellymel22, thank you for your feedback and the kind words too. They're much appreciated and I'm humbled and thrilled that you follow the story, let alone enjoy it xx

So on with Catherine's list...

**_…a boy who will comfort you on difficult days…._**

The lactic acid surged through Tara's legs, begging her to stop the punishing run, but she ignored the agony as she forced them to keep going. Her chest felt tight, her lungs desperate for more oxygen, but she urged herself to keep moving, as fast as she could, as far away as possible from the words that she had just been told.

_"This is difficult to tell you sweetheart but mommy's sick…very sick"_

The words played over and over in her head and as she ran she pictured her father's face as he had leaned closer to her, his voice trembling as he held his young daughters hand. Tara had looked across at her mother, her face slightly gaunt and ghostly white, a brave smile on her face. But her crystal blue eyes didn't seem so bright now.

Tara had ran out of the house, trying to digest the carefully worded information her parents had told her. Catherine Knowles had cancer and although Tara's young mind didn't exactly know what it was she did know that it was bad. That people could die. That her _mom _could die.

Both of her parents had said that the doctor was giving mommy medicine to try and fight the bad cancer, that they were hopeful that they could get mommy better again. But Tara had seen her mother's expression when her dad said this, the slight glance down into her lap, her smile wavering for a second. And that was when Tara knew that Catherine suspected she wouldn't live.

That was why Tara had ran.

As soon as she rounded the corner of her street she knew where her legs were taking her, her body went into autopilot as she punished her small body, ignoring her father's pleas as she ran down the street. She needed to see him, he would make her feel better, give her the comfort she craved.

She was only eight but she had travelled this route to his house so many times that she could do it blindfolded. As she reached the top of his drive she saw that the lamp in his bedroom was on, giving the room a warm welcoming glow. Tara stopped for a second and crouched over, desperate for air. Whilst gasping for breath she glanced at the front door to the Teller's house but decided that she didn't want to go in the house through there, only to be bombarded with questions by Gemma about the untimely hour and why she wasn't at home. Also, were those tear stains on her face? Tara knew that Gemma wouldn't rest until she had the answers she needed.

But Tara didn't want question, she just wanted Jax.

So, as she had so many times before, she expertly climbed the oak tree that grew in the Teller's garden, a perfect staircase to the haven of Jax's room. Ignoring her tired and aching limbs she hoisted her tiny frame up and along the sturdy bow of the tree, carefully balancing as she inched closer to the pane of glass that separated them. When she got just outside his window she peered in to see Jax sitting up in bed. He was entranced by the latest comic Gemma had bought him, his curious blue eyes reading intently and he was smiling to himself as he followed the story.

Tara leaned over and gently tapped on the pane of glass, alerting Jax to her presence. Jax hastily looked up, momentarily annoyed that someone had disturbed his reading, but as he saw the desperate look on Tara's face he scrambled from beneath the bed sheets over to his window. As soon as he had opened it Tara climbed through, thankful that she was now with him. Her aching limbs forgotten, it was her aching heart that needed fixing.

Jax looked down at her expectantly, his tousled blonde hair fell messily over his face as he stared down at the ground where Tara now sat. It wasn't unusual for Tara show up at his bedroom window but she had never visited this late. Jax looked across at the Harley clock his mom and dad had bought him at Christmas. It was 9.15pm and it was a school night. Tara never usually visited when they had school the next day, Catherine never allowed it, even if both had protested that Gemma didn't care as much.

In the moonlight he could see that tears had streaked down her face, that her cheeks were rosy from her frantic run. Even at eight years old it hurt him to see that she was upset.

"My mom's sick" she whispered as she stared down at the floor, her small fingers picking at the blue fibres in the carpet.

Jax stood still for a minute, his face contorting with confusion. Innocently, he asked "Does she have a headache or something?"

Tara's body became more rigid, she held her breath, not wanting to say the words, clamping her eyes shut to stop yet more tears. She shook her head frantically. "No she's _really_ sick Jax"

She didn't need to tell him what it was, or what her parents had told her, he instinctively sat down beside her. His arm rested over her shoulders, bringing her closer to him and he promised "It'll be ok"

With those three words she sobbed, and he held her more tightly, doing what he could to desperately take some of her pain away. He didn't like it when girls cried, his dad had told him that girls should always be respected and that they rely on men to be strong for them. That was what Jax was deciding to do, be strong for Tara.

That night, after a worried Catherine Knowles had rang Gemma to inform her of the heart breaking situation, Gemma climbed the stairs to her house and opened her eldest son's bedroom door slightly. As she peered in she could make out the silhouettes of the two small children, huddled together in Jax's small bed, lost in peaceful dreams.

But they were only peaceful dreams because Jax had held Tara whilst she cried herself to sleep, giving her the words of comfort that so had so desperately needed.


	7. Gossipsmileagree

**_...Someone who would let you gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything you said..._**

''I have news for you'' she called over as her long legs climbed up the bleachers to sit beside Jax.

He took another mouthful of his lunch and started to chomp rigorously, his belly growling with hunger. He licked his lips as she sat down next to him and appreciated how when she bent over to place her books down on the floor, he could see the lacy white trim of her bra.

''You're pregnant'' he joked. The sight of the horrified look Gemma would give them both if he had guessed right made him grin.

His thoughts were broken by a playful slap on the chest and Tara chastised ''Don't joke about things like that. No, I have news about Donna''

Jax looked across at Tara, raising his eyebrows and innocently shrugging ''Who the hell is Donna?''

Tara frowned and shuffled to make herself more comfortable, edging closer to Jax ''The new girl. The one who has caused quite a stir in Opie''

Jax was still none the wiser. He knew that Opie had been spouting some shit about some brunette that had just started at Charming High but with his own gorgeous brunette occupying his thoughts Jax couldn't care less.

Tara looked across at her now truly confused boyfriend ''Do you not pay any attention to your best friend's needs? Some friend you are, Teller''

Tara leaned back on the bleacher and closed her eyes, putting her face up towards the hot June sun. Jax continued to make light work of his food but he couldn't help but admire the way in which Tara's hair tumbled across her face and how she wet her full, red lips. Right know Jax was more concerned with his own needs.

She suddenly turned to face him, aware of the lustful gaze on his face as he watched her. She smiled smugly "It turns out that Donna has just moved here from San Francisco with her mom. She said that she doesn't really know anyone around here yet and I asked her to hang out with us"

Jax had no idea what Tara was saying as he swallowed his last mouthful of food. Her continued to stare at her beautiful full mouth and licked his own lips at the memory of her kiss.

"I found out from her that she left her boyfriend back home and she's heartbroken that she had to leave him behind. They broke things off quite suddenly and I think she needs someone to help her with her heartache''

She had the most amazing lips he had ever seen "Mmm Hmm" he replied, his gaze never falling from her unblemished face, his ears not really registering her gossip.

Tara continued for a few more minutes on drabble that Jax didn't really care for, something about Opie and this new chick, about San Francisco and a double date. Jax just kept his eyes on Tara's face, on the lips that he desperately wanted to kiss and bite, to breasts that he wanted to nuzzle into and tease with his own teeth and lips, to her hands and nails that he wanted her to dig into his back as he made love to her.

She looked at him expectantly; well aware that he hadn't really digested any of the information she had just given him. She smiled sweetly, knowing she could use it to her advantage.

"So you'll tell Opie?" she enquired.

Jax just smiled innocently and nodded. He edged closer to Tara, wetting his lips, his body now burning to kiss her.

"Great. Tell him to be at the clubhouse at 7.30 tonight. This is exciting, I've never been on a double date before"

Jax groaned as he moved closer to her mouth, understanding now that Tara had set Opie and this new girl up on a date with them as chaperones. Opie would not be impressed with being set up. Not that Jax really cared as his hot mouth rested on Tara's, their tongues teasing each other in a dance that they were becoming more accustomed to.

Damn, her lips would get him into a lot of trouble.


	8. give you a big bear hug

**_He would take you to the park and put his hands around your waist and give you a big bear hug…_**

The journey to Oregon was going quicker than Jax had expected. In a few short hours they would reach the Oregon border and the day after next he would have to return to Charming, letting Tara and the boys stay in Portland to attend her conference. Jax's heart felt heavy, after fourteen months in jail and only being back with his family for three short weeks he was having to leave them again, if only for a few days.

The boys had grown restless as they had approached Walnut Grove Park and both Jax and Tara knew that their sons were hungry and needed to get some fresh air. They had enjoyed a light lunch, sprawled out on the blanket with the spring sun beaming down on them. With their boys close, Jax lay down and looked across at his sons. They looked happy and content, away from the chaos of the club, and Jax smiled at the thought of bringing his boys up without fear of them becoming embroiled in the bloodshed of Samcro. Is this the normality that every regular family had? If so he liked it and even though it went against everything he had worked for he knew he wanted more of it.

Tara nuzzled in closer to his side. She wondered if this was a dream, could he really leave the club? Walk away from everything that he's ever known? She closed her eyes for a few brief moments and dared to believe that they could escape, that they could live a normal and happy life. That was all she had ever wanted. He had told her that he wanted out, that he wanted their boys far away from the chaos that the club spread. She smiled. She might actually be able to have him all to herself and never have to worry about what state he might return in after a run, or if he would return at all.

Jax tore his eyes off a now sleeping Thomas and down at his fiancée. He smiled, sensing her happiness "You ok there, Doc?"

Her arms wrapped around him tighter and she leaned across to briefly kiss his lips before nodding, a contented smile on her face. She looked across at their boys, knowing that they still had a few hours' drive ahead of them. "I hate to say it baby but I think we need to pack up and get going"

Jax nodded but he was reluctant to move. Being here with Tara and the boys was perfection and he took a few more moments to savour the peace that he felt just having them here safe.

"Come on" Tara whispered "When you're done with the club we can picnic to our hearts content. Every day will feel like this"

Tara lifted herself up and started to gather up their things, packing them away. Jax effortlessly got to his feet but took a moment to look down at her. He put his hand out to stop her from packing the things away, wanting to prolong their time here together for a few moments more. Tara looked up at him and smiled, standing so that he could wrap his arms around her waist.

"You know how much I love you, right?" He asked her, his voice full of lust and need.

She brought her arms up to wrap around his shoulders, her hands playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. She nodded "I do. And I love you too, so much"

He smiled down at her and his strong arms wrapped tighter around her waist in order to lift her.

There was nothing in this world that could spoil their dream.


	9. Tell his friends about you & smile

**_He would tell all his friends about you and smile when he did it…._**

Opie passed the joint to Jax and as he blew the smoke out of his mouth he looked across at his best friend. Something had changed in Jax in these past few weeks and Opie had a sneaking suspicion that he knew why.

"So, you and Tara. Where's that heading?"

Jax exhaled and stared at Opie through the smokey haze. He shrugged "Honestly man, I don't know"

_Sitting on the fence,_ Opie thought. "Okay, where do you want it to head?"

Jax fiddled with the joint as his mind filled with images of Tara. Christ, she had the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. He'd made his intentions clear to her, he wanted to get to know her, better than he already did. But she was keeping him at arm's length, telling him that she knew that Jax had a reputation for 'getting to know a lot of different girls' and that she wasn't interested in being his lap dog. Shit, that had made him want her even more.

"Bro, I really don't know. She's driving me crazy. I try talk to her and she just nods or gives me one word answers, I try and ignore her and she doesn't even seem bothered. Either way it just makes me want her more"

Opie smirked, he'd never seen Jax so pussy whipped, especially over a girl that he hadn't even got to first base with yet. He had it bad.

"Jax, you've known her since we were six. There's not much you _don't _know about her"

"No, not like that man. I want to get to know her as more than a friend… probably … I don't know bro… do you think it would be wrong if I hooked up with Tara?"

Jax looked at his best friend expectantly, hoping for some advice these new feelings he had for their childhood friend.

Opie shrugged, it was a difficult call to make. They had all been friends for so long that to change those dynamics could break a deep bond if things went wrong. But Opie had always been aware that things between Jax and Tara went slightly deeper than friendship, there was the occasional flirting, those rare tender moments that he had briefly witnessed between the two. Nothing, to Opie's knowledge, had ever happened between them but maybe it was these things that could make their bond deeper if they did start dating.

"I don't know man. If you and her hooked up it could be something great" Opie took a long drag from the joint but held Jax's gaze "But you gotta remember bro, this is _Tara_. You can't hook up with her and then ditch her after five minutes like all the other girls" Opie shrugged "It's whether you can do that"

Jax nodded. This was his dilemma. He was famous in school for breaking numerous girls' heart, consistency and faithfulness were not Jackson Teller's virtues. But then he had never felt this deeply for a girl before either.

"I know. It's just that when I'm around her she doesn't care about the Kutte or the club, she's never really been that interested in Samcro. When she speaks to me it's about personal shit, like my dad or my brother. No other girls have ever asked me about them, no one's ever really wanted to know about them. Everything just feels a lot easier with her, less complicated, you know?"

Jax looked across at his best friend who smirked at him smugly. "What?"

"Nothing" Opie said grinning "It's just that all the time you've talked about Tara you've had a grin the size of the Cheshire fucking cat on your face, and I don't think it's because of the weed bro"

Jax reached across and snatched the joint for Opie's fingers, bringing it up to his lips. His best friends smugness irritated the hell out of him "Go fuck yourself Ope"

Which made Opie crease with laughter. Yep, Jax definitely had it bad.


	10. A boy who has faith so you can believe

**Hey guys, this chapter is set during the 'Second Soon appisode. I'm trying to finish off a couple more chapters but having read an interview with Kurt Sutter about Jax and Tara during season 6 I feel like crying. I think I'm going to have to re watch season 4 just to see them happy again and get focused for my writing.**

**Enjoy and thanks again for the reviews!**

**_A boy who has faith so that you can believe…._**

Jax was mesmerised as he peered down at his newborn child. His hands shook slightly as he held his second son, a proud smile tugging at his lips.

So this was what his child with Tara looked like.

For as long as he could remember Jax had tried to envisage how a child that he and Tara made together would look. They had talked about it years ago, before she left for San Diego. He was adamant that their son would be blue eyed and blonde haired, she had argued that he would take after the Knowles' with dark hair and green eyes. It turned out that they were both right. As Thomas wriggled in his father's arms Jax saw the chocolate hairs peek out from under the navy blue Samcro hat but when Thomas momentarily looked up, his sleepy eyes were piercing blue.

Jax was right. Thomas was beautiful, he was perfect, but more importantly he was theirs.

Abel had been too ill to hold as a newborn and when Jax was able to finally hold his eldest son Abel was six weeks old and sturdy. Thomas seemed more fragile because of his small size.

"Did the hospital say everything's ok with him, his heart and everything?" Jax asked, his curious blue eyes never leaving Thomas' tiny body. It was a concern that had plagued him since he had found out the Tara was pregnant. Gemma had the heart defect that had been passed down to both him and Thomas and, in turn, it was a fault that he had passed onto Abel. As Jax's eyes drank in his new son, he prayed that his second son had been lucky and forfeited the flaw.

Tara nodded enthusiastically, eager to put Jax's mind at rest. She had already explained to him on the phone that Thomas had checked out of the hospital ok but she smiled at Jax, finding his concern touching. "Yep, no sign of the family flaw. It would seem our boy is faultless"

Jax smiled down at his son, taking in every move, every expression and as he bent down to kiss him he whispered "Yeah, he is"

Holding his sons head steady and leaning Thomas against his broad chest, Jax's hand reached across and rested on Tara's thigh. Considering she had only given birth two days ago she looked remarkably well.

"Everything ok with you?" his eyes now searched her features for any sign that she may be struggling. Jax knew she was. As strong a woman as Tara was, he knew that even she would find it hard to cope with a toddler, a newborn and all the shit with the club.

Tara smiled slowly, her eyes shifting from her son to her boyfriend "I'm good. Your mom's been great, day and night, she's really helped with Abel and feeds and diapers…."

Not for the first time Jax felt immensely guilty about being in jail, about being away from them. He pursed his lips, there weren't any words that could take away his absence. His hand rubbed her thigh slowly, giving him the contact that he so desperately craved during those lonely nights.

"I'm gonna be back soon babe. Just a few more months and I'll be out"

Tara nodded slowly, her actions now hinting to the toll that raising a young family alone was taking on her "You have soooo much to look forward to. Dirty diapers, feeds at three in the morning, nursery runs…." The list seemed endless.

Jax shook his head, tearing his gaze away from Thomas back to Tara "I don't care, I want that"

Jax thought about the plans he had secretly been making, ones that involved him, Tara and their boys leaving Charming and Samcro far behind. Plans that Tara wasn't yet aware of.

"Things are gonna change babe, I promise. The life that we always planned, I'm going to give it to you. You just have to have faith in me"

Tara looked deeply into Jax's crystal blue eyes as the hint of desperation in his voice scared her. It seemed that as tough as Jackson Teller there were times when he would remind her of the six year old boy that she met long ago, a boy that just wanted to hear that someone believed that he would do the right thing.

"I do have faith in you Jax. I do" she whispered as she leaned closer to him, her forehead resting against his as they both closed their eyes to imagine the perfect life that they had planned so many years ago, a life where there were a lot less bullets, blood and death.

She was standing by his side, showing him that she had faith in him, that she still believed that they could have the beautiful life that they had talked about since they were six years old.

In that moment Jax Teller vowed that he would give his perfect family the life he had mapped out inside his head.


	11. Someone to tell you you're beautiful

**_Someone who would tell you you're beautiful but not too often…_**

Tara smoothed out the blue dress as it skimmed her body. She knew that she had lost the weight that she had carried since having Thomas but still felt slightly self-conscious. Even more so as she thought about all the eyes that would be staring at her as she stood next to Lyla at the altar. Tara closed her eyes, as she refused to look at herself in the mirror anymore. She shook her head, _every woman is conscious about how she looks,_ she reasoned.

She stared down at her left hand and once again admired the new diamond ring that adorned her wedding finger. Tara smiled as she remembered that less than two hours ago Jax had proposed. Probably not in the way that she had always dreamt of, but then again Jackson Teller had never professed to be the world's most romantic man, yet it had been perfect. He was getting out and he wanted to move away, marry her and live their lives in peace with their two boys.

Reluctantly she removed the ring. She was conscious of this being Opie and Lyla's day and if Tara showed up sporting a rock like this people would start asking questions and that wouldn't be fair on the happy couple. Tara, however, couldn't help but feel the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Soon it would be her and Jax standing at the altar, making their vows.

Thomas's cries started to fill the house and Tara crashed back into reality, away from the dreams of her own wedding day. She walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Abel was colouring in his book, his new favourite hobby, his pictures scattered on the floor, no doubt to show his adoring father. Jax was kneeling next to Abel but was fussing over a screaming Thomas. He looked slightly scared and Tara realised that even though she had regularly brought Thomas to visit Jax in prison, the two still needed time to bond on familiar territory. She watched for a few moments as Jax held his youngest son, rocking him gently in an attempt to settle him.

"What's wrong buddy?" he stared down at Thomas, a slight panic rising up in Jax. He'd changed his diaper only ten minutes ago, he'd been bathed earlier. Jax put his hand against his little boy's face, his temperature seemed normal. Tara had only fed him half an hour ago.

"Maybe you just don't like your old man, huh?" Jax asked. It had always weighed heavy in Jax's mind since going into jail that maybe his boys might forget him in Abel's case, or, for Thomas, just not bond with him.

Tara noted the wide eyed panic on Jax's face and realised his concern. She stepped forward, looking down at her baby son that Jax cradled in his arms. She leaned down and addressed Thomas "Don't worry sweetheart, he grows on you"

Jax looked up at her and softly smiled. He rocked Thomas some more "I don't know what's wrong with him. He's been fed, his diaper's clean and he's not hot so I don't think he's ill"

Tara chuckled as she watched Jax desperately try to rock Thomas to sleep "You're holding him the wrong way. He doesn't like to lie down in your arms, he likes to sit up"

Jax's brows knitted together and he shifted Thomas so that he could sit up and so that Jax could cradle him against his chest. Thomas' cries soon died down and he nestled peacefully against Jax's chest, safe in his father's arms. Jax smiled, happy that he had learnt a small quirk about his son.

"Guess I'm still learning, huh?" Jax whispered as he looked down at his youngest boy. Thomas was a perfect mix of both he and Tara, with his mother's dark hair and pale skin and yet his blue eyes were identical to Jax's . Jax loved that fact that Thomas resembled the two of them so strongly, that people could clearly see that he was their child together.

"You'll get there, it just takes a little time" Tara replied as she bent down to kiss Abel's blonde head, whilst picking up some of his drawings in an attempt to make the room look at little tidier. Jax took a moment to watch her and was reminded of how much he had missed her. As teenagers they barely spent time apart, with Tara practically moving into the clubs dorm with him in the few months before she left. They were inseparable, so much so that it drove him crazy when he had to go on runs with the club. It had been like Tara had been a drug that Jax couldn't get enough off, nor had he wanted to be weaned off her.

Tara stood up and straightened, smoothing the blue dress that she wore. It was then that Jax noticed the absence of her engagement ring.

He smoothed down Thomas' soft hair but gave Tara a questioning look "Where's your ring?"

Tara looked across at Jax, momentarily savouring the sight of him cradling their beautiful son, but then flattened out her left hand and looked down at her finger "Oh, I took it off. I figured that if I wore it then people would start to ask questions and I don't want to take the limelight off of Opie and Lyla. Is that ok?"

Jax pressed his lips together and smiled smugly. He admired the fact that Tara would be more concerned about Opie and Lyla's feelings then her own. He knew that not many other women would be that thoughtful. "Babe, that's fine. We'll celebrate in our own way"

She nodded, confident that she hadn't hurt his feelings and walked towards him, holding her arms out for him to place Thomas in them. "You better go and get showered. We have to leave in half an hour and Aleeta's coming in ten minutes"

Jax nodded, carefully placing Thomas in Tara's arms so that they wouldn't disrupt their son's sleep. Jax took a brief moment to look over Tara's outfit and slender figure. A concerned look was etched on his face.

"You're not wearing that to the wedding are you?" his eyes lingering on the cobalt blue material.

Tara's head shot up to look at Jax, self-consciously bringing her hand to her waistline. "Er, yeah. It's the dress that Lyla chose. You don't like it?"

Jax pursed his lips and shook his head nonchalantly whilst examining the dress once more "It's not that, it's just that I don't think you're allowed to outshine the bride on her wedding day, that's all"

Jax grinned at her and Tara closed her eyes, tilting her head as she smiled shyly "You think I look good baby?"

Jax slowly licked his lips as his eyes met hers again. She was perfect, she always had been. "I would say you look beautiful but I wouldn't want you to get a big head"

And he quickly pecked her on the lips before he walked down the hallway to the bathroom, shouting behind him "I'm marrying one hot girl!"

And Tara's giggles filled the room as he left, all of the self-conscious feelings that she had previously had melting away from her.


	12. beauty for your eyes to see

**Hey guys. There are only a few chapters left to publish for those of you who might be bored or wondering how long Catherine's list is, lol. This chapter is set just in between 'The Pull' (one of my favourite episodes) and 'Hell Followed'.**

**As always, thanks for your reviews and PM's - I love that Jax & Tara have such a string fan base!**

**Enjoy xx**

**_Someone who has beauty for your eyes to see….._**

He didn't know she was awake. He had tried to be quiet as he crept around her room, carefully and silently stepping into last night's boxers and jeans and bringing them up to his hips to do up his zipper.

In all honesty, after an eleven year absence and endless nights of dreaming about her lying beside him, it had been pretty damn hard for Jax to leave her in that bed. How many crow eaters had he slept with in this last decade? Too many times had he had to look away from the women positioned underneath him, on top of him, in front of him because their faces were constant reminders that they weren't her. Countless times had he closed his eyes as he released himself inside those strangers, picturing her face. On some occasions, more than he'd like to admit, her name would leave his lips during those releases and for a brief moment he would close his eyes and let himself believe that she was back with him.

And now she actually was. The first time their lovemaking had been frantic, both desperate for the physical touch that each had craved, a touch that no other person in this world could give them. The second time that night, the sex had been more gentle, each taking the time to savour the feel of each other, to remind themselves of the others beauty, to look into each other's eyes, allowing their souls to connect again after such a long time. He hadn't had to imagine her face last night.

But now it was morning, albeit very early morning. The sun hadn't yet risen and Jax hadn't slept. He was exhausted, the intimacy with Tara had ensured that, but his mind was busy with thoughts of the club, of Cameron, of Kohn, but mostly of her. He wondered what her life had been like in Chicago, how many guys she had dated whilst she had lived there. How the hell did she get involved with the psycho son of a bitch he put a bullet through last night? But he hadn't asked her, he didn't want to sully their precious reunion with her telling him details about the other guys she'd been with. Jax knew that if she had told him that she had slept with other men besides Kohn, which undoubtedly she had, he'd want names and addresses and go and put a slug through their temples too.

He hadn't wanted to sleep because he still needed to savour the feel of her lying next to him, her naked body sprawled against his own. He looked down at their bodies, her porcelain white skin draped across his sun kissed body. He had spent the night inhaling the Jasmine scent that she still wore, a perfume that reminded him of their times together as teens, a fragrance that he hadn't smelt for over ten years and yet it still seemed so familiar to him. He found solace in her tossing and turnings, they gave him an excuse to hold her closer as she stirred. At one point he had smiled as she murmured his name, letting him know that she was dreaming of him too.

But Jax also knew that he had to get rid of Kohn's body before sunrise.

He stood in the middle of Tara's bedroom for a moment and ran his fingers through his long golden hair. He had no qualms about putting a bullet through that creep's temple, his insults and abuse towards Tara had warranted it. No, it was the fact that he had done it so easily, that his love for her clouded any judgement he made. It seemed that his devotion to her and his impulsive nature were a toxic combination. It felt exactly the same as it did when they were teens, crazy in love with each other, so engrossed in their passion that it was all too easy to do something a little reckless, like pulling the trigger and ending a man's life. And why? The simple reason was because he loved her. He'd never stopped, Jax didn't think he'd ever have the ability to stop loving her. Like the club, Tara was a part of him.

_"She fears for her life, so she comes back home to the only man she know loves her enough to protect her …. I wish I had that kind of pull over a man"_ Stahl's word ran through Jax's head as he stared down at Kohn's corpse. He shrugged them off. No one understood the intensity between him and Tara, they never had. As kids they had always felt that they needed to prove to those around them that it was real love, not just a phase that everyone had been so adamant that they were going through. It was more than a pull Tara had over Jax, she had his heart.

Jax stared through his hands as he looked over at Kohn's body which was sprawled out on Tara's en suite floor, congealed blood gathered around his head, his lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling.

His love for Tara had actually made him kill a man.

"A penny for them?" she softly whispered.

Jax smiled as he lowered his hands from his face and looked over at Tara. He edged closer to her bed, his eyes taking her in. He breathed deeply and she watched as his naked chest lifted up and down, the muscles in his stomach becoming more defined as he inhaled. He was truly beautiful, and Tara tried to imagine what had possessed her to leave him all those years ago. For a brief moment, and not for the first time, she regretted her decision.

He sat down on her bed, facing the dead body of his arch enemy. He held her hand in his own for a few silent moments, stroking her soft skin.

"I gotta go" he whispered , his voice heavy with tiredness, as he stared down at her pale hand, reluctant to leave her.

Tara nodded slowly, her eyes desperately avoiding that of Kohn's body as it hung in her peripheral vision.

"You ok?" he asked as his eyes travelled up her body to stare down into her frightened eyes.

She swallowed and nodded. She felt a mixture of relief, desperation and disgust. She'd never helped kill a man before "I think I'm gonna take a personal day"

Jax nodded in agreement, smiling softly "You should, that'll be good for you. I gotta get this medical equipment back to the clubhouse but first I've got to –"

He stopped himself, unsure of how to phrase his next sentence carefully so as not to upset her "…I have to sort him out"

Tara brought her free hand up to cover her eyes, grimacing with thoughts of Kohn's death, the desperation in his eyes the split second before Jax had fired the gun. She inhaled, bringing herself back to peaceful thoughts, remembering back to their lovemaking just hours before.

"You know I don't regret anything about last night Jax…I mean about us…"She felt she needed to clarify more, knowing that she felt some remorse in Kohn's death "I mean the sex"

"Me neither" he assured her. It seemed that killing the love of your life's psycho ex was an aphrodisiac.

"I never loved him. You need to know that. I never felt for him, or anyone else, what felt for you" she wasn't sure why she said it, whether it was to help with his guilt or her own, but she felt that she needed to tell him that no other man came close to meaning to her what he did. Maybe it was to reassure him that the killing was vindicated, that her love for him could be an adequate justification for such a horrendous crime.

Jax smiled softly, it was good to know that after all these years she had still felt so strongly "I know"

He reached out and brushed the hair from her face, his soft touch comforting her. "I have to go. Don't worry, I'll sort everything out and when I'm done with him and with the shit at the club I'll come and find you, make sure you're alright. Ok?"

She smiled weakly, not sure if she would be ok without him, without his encouragement or comforting words, even though she had been without them for over a decade. He leaned down to kiss her, his lips soft lingered against hers, and it took all the effort he had to lift himself away from the bed, away from her tempting arms, to sort out their problem.

Tara turned her back as she heard Jax lift Kohn's body off the floor, closing her eyes and trying to block out unwanted images.

It was these things that he did for her, these beautiful actions that justified his love, that made him beautiful in her eyes. On this occasion it was a beauty that only she was witness too.


	13. love that will complete your life

Guys, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for so long - I've been without a laptop and although I've been desperate to update I haven't had the means, until now.

Ok, the chapter is set in season five on their wedding day. I'm not overly happy with it, its a bit soppy but I figured we needed some lightness and to be reminded of their love at the moment. (I live in England and we wont get season 6 for some time but I'm well aware of what happened in the premiere. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING! Upset doesn't even justify my feelings at the moment)

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing associated with SOA and the song is 'At Last' by Etta James. Enjoy xx

**_…someone who will give you love that will complete your life…_**

As a little girl Tara had her wedding mapped out inside her head. She didn't want a fancy or expensive dress, she didn't care to have endless amounts of bridesmaids, she wasn't bothered about getting married in the fanciest places in California. It was a good job that she didn't have grand ideas because Tara didn't get any of those things on her wedding day.

But she did have him. In all of her plans he had been the constant. His was the face that would smile back at her as she walked down the aisle, who would wipe her tears as she said her vows, the man who would put the gold wedding band on her finger and promise to love her for the rest of his life. Many of her ideas about her wedding day had changed throughout the years but it was always Jax who had played the groom.

She sat down on the sofa in the newly refurbished dorm at the back of the clubhouse. Jax was sifting through some of the legal documents at the desk, a puzzled look on his face, his mind now solely focused on club business rather than his new bride. She watched him in silence as he worked, smiling slightly as the gold wedding band on his finger caught the light. The only noise was the radio that softly hummed in the background.

She inhaled and stared up at the clock. They'd been married less than an hour and they were already waiting for the cops to come and arrest him. As if sensing her distress, Jax looked across at her. He knew it wasn't how she had planned it. For their honeymoon he'd be lying in a cold prison cell whilst she slept in an empty wedding bed. Jax bit down on his lip, considering whether he was right to listen to his impulsive nature and marry her at such short notice. It was so unromantic, they'd got married in a brothel for Christ sake. But he knew he was going back inside and the only thing that felt right to him was making her officially his.

"Not exactly how you pictured your wedding day, huh?" he asked her, smiling softly.

Tara snorted as she rested her head against the sofa, staring up at the stars and stripes banner above her head. "Let's say I had different plans, but only slightly grander"

Jax smiled but he was aware that on some level she must be disappointed by the lack of romance on their big day. It didn't help that as soon as they had signed the register to he had brought her back to the clubhouse, where he had practically ignored her and focused on issues concerning the club. Guilt niggled at him and he carefully placed down the paperwork and walked across to the sofa, sitting beside his new wife. They'd been back at the clubhouse for less than ten minutes; Jax's mind was on getting things sorted before he went back inside and he realised how selfish he was being. He had waited fifteen years to make her his wife and now he chose to ignore her on the happiest day of their lives. He placed his arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to him.

"I know it's not what we planned Tara, in hindsight maybe we should have done it sooner, but I was just desperate to make you mine. I know today wasn't exactly what you had in mind" he murmured against her temple, gently stroking the soft flesh at the top of her arm.

Tara smiled against him and her hand caressed the cold leather of his kutte. "It's fine, I feel the same way. Since I was sixteen I was always so excited to become your wife, now that I actually am the place and circumstances don't matter"

He smiled at her, his eyes connecting with hers and he brought his lips forcibly down to hers. His hands nestled into her hair as his tongue delved into her mouth, causing a small moan to escape from her. She bit down on his bottom lip and teased it, her uninjured hand delving under his shirt. God, she would miss this body.

It was at that moment, just as Jax and Tara were about to consummate their marriage, that Bobby rushed into the room, causing the two to abruptly break apart like the two teens they had once been who had both been so desperate for the feel and taste of one another, only for Gemma to walk in on their interludes. But they weren't teens anymore, they were husband and wife.

"Jesus Christ, Bobby!" Jax barked as he readjusted himself, briefly peering over at Tara to ensure she was decent. Which, unfortunately for Jax, she was.

"Oh sorry brother….erm" Tara smirked as she watched an extremely awkward Bobby flush a shade of red she'd never seen before "Er, word is cops…are, erm ….on their way. Also, Gemma's looking for you"

Jax shook his head. His mother, she was even interrupting his Goddamn wedding night. Jax shot Bobby a steely glare, still unforgiving of his intrusion.

Jax shrugged at his VP "Let her keep looking, just tell her not to come in here"

Bobby nodded and awkwardly smiled as he closed the door shut, leaving the two in peace.

Tara smiled and shook her head "I guess we'll have to wait for the wedding night until you get out"

Jax gritted his teeth in frustration as he nodded "I'm sorry"

A bigger part of him was sorry that he hadn't locked the damn door.

Tara rubbed his back gently, her fingers stroking the reaper. She had waited fourteen months to have him back, hell she'd waited fifteen years to have him back, she could wait a little longer. She got to her feet and stood in front of him.

"Ok, the sooner I let you go the sooner you'll come back to me and then we can have that wedding night" She tried to smile, she really did. She tried to be the Old Lady he had always wanted her to be but her heart was breaking at the thought of letting him go again, so soon after she had just got him back.

He stood up and placed his hands on either side of her face. The tears in her eyes broke him a little and he kissed her forehead gently. He knew she was doing her best, trying to adjust to this new life, a life that she had chosen to walk away from so many years ago. As they stood there in silence, savouring the feel of one another in each other's arms both heard the song that was playing on the radio.

_At last, my love has along,_

_My lonely days are over,_

_And life is like a song…_

Jax smiled has he heard the words and brought his head down to gaze into Tara's eyes. "I think I might have time for our first dance Mrs Teller"

Tara smiled through her tears and their heads again rested against one another, his arm slipped across the bottom of her back, resting on the crow that marked her as his, and his other held her injured hand out to their side, allowing them to softly sway together as the song played.

_I've found a dream that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I've found a thrill to press my cheek to,_

_A thrill that I had never known_

He held her closer, his lower arm pressing her body more tightly to his. She closed her eyes as she clung to him, her arm looping across his shoulder in a desperate bid to keep him there with her forever.

_Oh, you smiled,_

_You smiled,_

_Oh and then the spell was cast,_

_And here we are in heaven,_

_For you are mine,_

_At last._

He smiled as he nuzzled into her neck as the song ended. She was his wife, finally. That was all he ever dreamed of, all he had ever wanted besides the club. She rested her head against his chest and savoured the feel of him in her arms for a few seconds more, before he would be snatched away again.

"You better go" she whispered against his broad chest. It killed her to say the words, to let him leave this embrace, but she knew there was no escaping this jail term for him. He nodded weakly, pressing her even closer to him for a brief moment before breaking away from her to walk towards the door. Tara stood in the middle of the room for a moment in order to compose herself; she didn't want the club to see the tears that were threatening to spill. It wasn't an Old Lady's job to look weak, at least that was what Gemma had told her years before.

But before he opened the door and had to switch his mind back onto the club's issues, Jax stopped himself. He had his back to her as he closed his eyes to remember the words he had said to her just a few short months ago during his proposal.

_"I realise you being with me is not some kind of accident. It sounds crazy but I think you were put into my life to get me out Tara, fifteen years ago and now"_

But in a few short minutes he would be led away in handcuffs because he had chosen to stay and get pulled deeper into the club. But she had stayed with him, stood by his side and rose to the challenge of being an Old Lady and because of that he had everything he wanted, even though she had sacrificed her own dreams to stay with him. He breathed deeply as his hand rested on the door handle. He knew his life would be at risk thanks to Pope whilst he was inside. He knew he couldn't leave this room without letting her know how much he loved her, away from the prying eyes and ears of the club. If Pope had his way the only way Jax would be leaving lock up was in a body bag. With this in mind the words that he needed her to hear spilled from his mouth.

"I know you've given up a lot to stay here Tara and I'm sure there are times that you wish you could run the hell away, forget about Charming, about Samcro"

He turned around to face her, stuffing his hands inside his denim pockets, his eyes resting on hers. He bit his lip before continuing, knowing time was against him but needing to tell her how much he valued her in his life.

"I just wanna let you know that I'm so glad that you stayed, even if you still have your doubts. I told you once that since I was five all I ever wanted was a Harley and a Kutte. Well, when I was six I added another thing to that list. You. You have no idea how much I love you because I have trouble understanding the extent of it. I know that I've made you promises and that they're broken now, but I've always loved you Tara and, whatever happens in my life, I will love you until my last breath"

She smiled through the tears that spilled down her cheeks and her heart skipped a beat, as it always did, when he smiled back at her. In that moment Tara forgot all doubts about not leaving, he had just made her realise why she was right to stay. And with that Jax turned and opened the door to find Bobby and give him instructions for the time that he was in lock up.

Tara watched Jax's retreating back and her fingers rested on her wedding ring. She smiled down at her left hand.

At last she was complete.


	14. Best friendnever break your heart

_Ok guys, right now I think we're in need for some Jax and Tara love. I have kept up to date with this current season (thank God for tumblr sites and for my various American friends on here for PMing me the details of our beloved couple in season 6 - thank you!) _

_And so its time for the penultimate chapter and is based during 'June Wedding' in Season 3. Yes, the majority of it is a little heart breaking (somewhat apt for Jax/Tara at the moment) but it focuses on how they can overcome anything as long as they're together. Understand that Mr Sutter? They NEED TO BE TOGETHER!_

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own anything associated with Sons of Anarchy._

**_But mostly, I want someone who would be your best friend and would never break your heart._**

"The stitches will need to be removed in a few days Mr Teller but your arm should heal nicely"

Jax sat on the edge of the hospital bed, the doctor's words washing over him, the throbbing ache of the fresh wound on his forearm being blocked out by images of Tara. Jax gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. Salazar had come so close to really hurting her, Jax had watched in horror as he had placed the knife at her neck. Jax's body had momentarily frozen with terror with the thought that in a few seconds Tara could be taken away from him forever, until Hale had quickly reacted. Jax gripped the firm hospital mattress tighter. What if Salazar had succeeded? Bile rose to the back of Jax's throat, burning his gullet as it made its way back to his stomach. It didn't bear thinking about.

"My girlfriend. Is she ok?" His voice was barely audible, his body was weary and images of Tara's panicked face still haunted him.

"Doctor Knowles is fine. We have a few more tests to run on her…."

Jax looked up at the male doctor with a questioning look, "Tests?"

Doctor Connors shifted uncomfortably. He knew that Tara was dating this guy, he'd seen them around the hospital sneaking quick kisses. It was news to him that Tara was pregnant but friendly concern had him asking about her welfare and a mutual friend of theirs had whispered that Tara needed an ultrasound. But he wasn't entirely sure if her boyfriend knew that she was pregnant. "It's nothing to worry about Mr Teller. Doctor Knowles has to, er, undergo a scan"

"A scan to see if the baby's ok?"

Relief flooded through the young doctor. "Yes. She's due to see the OBGYN in a few moments"

Jax shifted nervously on the hospital mattress "I need to be in there with her. Can I see her?"

Jax listened carefully to the directions that Dr Connors gave him and within minutes found himself rounding the corner to the ward that would take him to Tara. As he walked down the corridor he saw Tara, shrouded in the beige flannel shirt that she had worn in Hale's office. She sat in one of the seats that cluttered the narrow corridor and watched as she gripped the seat tightly, bowing her head as if in silent prayer and tapping her feet nervously.

"Tara?" he said softly, trying desperately not to alarm her.

Tara's head snapped around to look at Jax, a mixture of relief and disgust filling her features as she saw him. She was relieved to see that he was unharmed after today's events but a feeling of disgust flooded through her as her mind replayed the moment that she had walked through his dorm room, revealing his infidelity to her.

"You ok?" he enquired, as he cautiously walked closer to her.

Her brows knitted together as confusion and panic shrouded her face "How did you know I was here?"

Jax now stood in front of her, stuffing his hands into his pockets. She looked so scared and every fibre in his body wanted to reach out and comfort her but he knew that that reaction was likely to send her running. He swallowed nervously as he looked down as her "Look, Gemma told me about the baby"

Tara briefly looked up at him and their eyes met for a second, before she shook her head and closed her eyes "It wasn't her place to say anything. I told her not to"

Jax sat down on the chair next to her, his arm carefully rested on the back of the chair that she sat on. He stopped himself from resting his hand on her shoulder, scared that she would flinch at his touch "You should have told me Tara. I should have heard it from _you_"

Tara started to laugh sarcastically shaking her head, her hands still gripped the seat that she sat on, her knuckles turning white as she gripped a little too hard. "Why Jax, would it have stopped you from cheating on me?"

Jax stared down at the floor and his tongue slid across his bottom lip, a gesture that he often did when he contemplated his actions. He could argue that technically he hadn't cheated, he had broken if off hours before, but he knew that was bull. He knew that she had still loved him, as he did her, and he had slept with Ima to try and push Tara away, to protect her. He had had nightmares ever since Donna's death, ones that saw him lean over Tara's bloodied body on the street, his tears and pleas were in vain as her lifeless body lay slumped on the tarmac. Today, he had come close to losing her, his worst nightmare had almost became a reality. And that was why he had cheated, to try and push her away from the danger his club presented, not that it excused his betrayal. He knew that she would walk into the dorm that morning, trying to reason with him. But the moment he had seen her, the look of disgust and heartache ravaging her face, he knew he had fucked up. And he had been no more over the relationship than she was. Maybe she had come to tell him she was pregnant. Jax leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face. What an asshole he'd been.

"I'm sorry about all of that. All the shit with Abel, I just didn't think it through. I honestly did it to push you away Tara, to try and protect you. That's what you do when you love someone"

Tara snorted her laughter, still she refused to look at him "No Jax, you don't do _that_. You know how I feel about cheating. You're a coward"

She was right and he knew it. Cowardice had forced him to play that hand, to allow him to revert back to the drunken, wasted teen that had fallen apart when she had left him all those year ago, the man that found solace in tearing through as much pussy as possible in order to briefly forget that she was no longer with him. If Tara's self defence mechanism was to run away then Jax's, it seemed, was pussy. Not that Ima had meant shit, both he and Tara knew that, but it was an act that was now burnt into her psyche forever. His betrayal would always be remembered, whether he liked it or not.

As his eyes rested on her face he could see that she was fighting the tears, her leg still nervously tapped against the floor, an outward sign of her anger and distress. He gulped, his dry mouth trying to swallow his shame. Jax knew that he was between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to say or do anything that would agitate her, knowing that they still had to check on the baby's welfare, but he could see that she was starting to slip away from him. Weeks ago he would have welcomed her walking away from him, the club and all of the chaos that surrounded them. It would've broken him to watch her do it but he would have endured it to protect her. Today he would get down on his knees and beg her to stay with him, to share the life that they had always wanted together. How fucking ironic.

"Tara –"

"Is he ok?" she stuttered, her mind filling with concern for the small baby who she had so desperately wanted to be hers.

Jax nodded, an image of Abel's smiling face flicking through his mind "He's fine. He's with Gemma and some of the boys are there with them, keeping an eye out"

They were interrupted by the appearance of Doctor Li, who swiftly opened the door on the troubled couple. "Doctor Knowles, we're ready for you now"

Tara slowly stood up, her hands unconsciously resting on her belly and she started to walk towards the hospital room. Jax quickly got out of the seat and followed her.

Tara stopped suddenly and looked him squarely in the eye "I better let you get back to your family"

Something broke inside Jax as he was reminded of the comment that he had made to her in his grandfathers basement. He had basically disowned her, and for a woman who had never felt as if she belonged to a family, that had been the lowest blow he could've delivered. If there was ever a moment in his life that Jax had felt like the scum of the earth, it was now. His voice broke slightly as he began to plead with her "Tara, please"

She started to walk away from him and he reached out and gently grabbed her hand in a desperate bid for her not to slip away from him completely. He looked across at an expectant Doctor Li and fighting back his tears he asked "Can you give us a minute please?"

Doctor Li nodded slowly, realising she had interrupted a fairly serious moment between the two "Come through when you're ready Doctor"

Jax positioned himself in front of Tara, a physical barrier between her and the door. She stared down at the floor, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. "Baby, please. I fucked up, you can't hate me anymore than I hate myself, Tara"

Tara tried to move past him but he blocked her, bringing his head to the side of her face. His lips hovered just above her ear "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I can do or say that can help you forgive me. You're my best friend, mother of my children, the woman I've always wanted to share my life with. You _are_ my family Tara. I just forgot that for a minute"

She let his heartfelt words sink in, she could feel the panic and regret emitting his body. Reluctantly she rested her now tear stained face against his chest and with every breath she inhaled his familiar scent, something that she had craved for since she had seen him last. Somehow her hands found his hips as cries ravaged her body. He held her tighter, peppering kisses on top of her head, savouring the feel of her in his arms. Her cries tore him up inside, what killed him the most was that he was the cause of those tears.

"Please Tara. I won't ever forget it again. I won't ever hurt you again, I promise"

He had broken her heart, but as she looked up into his desperate eyes, eyes that brimmed with tears of his own, she was reminded of how deeply he did love her. She could see he was truly sorry for what he had done, even though he had thought he was protecting her by doing it. She wiped her eyes furiously, thoughts returning to the growing baby in her belly.

As kids hadn't they talked about this, about the children they would have? This wasn't a moment about looking back but about looking forward.

She took his trembling hand and kissed it, motioning for them to walk into the check-up room together.

Yes, he had royally fucked up. She knew that had been many girls before they had rekindled their romance, maybe there would be some more in years to come but as Tara gazed into his red rimmed eyes she knew none of that really mattered. He was her best friend, her soul mate, and together they could work through anything. They were the endgame.


	15. I've found what you want

Last chapter guys!

Thanks for you PM's and reviews and sorry about the long wait for the last chapter - works been a little hectic. I'm starting a new fic, similar to this one but from a Jax/John Teller perspective.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer - I do not own anything associated with SOA.

**I've found what you want**

Her eyes stung with unshed tears as Catherine wrote her final sentence. She was happy with her letter, it wasn't a sombre goodbye, it was filled with the hope that she wanted for her young daughter. In years to come Catherine's letter would give Tara comfort in times of fear or doubt, it would be a lasting reminder that Catherine would always be watching over her.

Catherine smiled as she put down her pen and her fragile body inhaled deeply. A feeling of calm engulfed her, a strange emotion for a woman who had been told that she was dying just hours before.

"Earth to Cathy"

Catherine's daydreams left her as she looked across at her friend. She had only known Gemma for a couple of years and yet they both felt as if each had found the sister they had never had. Catherine's visits to the Teller household had become a regular feature, especially after her chemotherapy sessions. But Gemma was unaware of the doctors prognosis as Catherine had chosen to keep the news to herself for a little longer "I'm sorry, what'd you say Gem?"

Gemma's brows rose as she gave Catherine a quizzical stare, her hands resting on her slim hips "I said 'what are you doing?'"

Gemma had left Catherine to her own devices as she knew the chemo wore her down. Gemma had been busy in the kitchen and was cursing herself for volunteering to help out at the fundraising event for the new hospital ward.

Catherine softly smiled and folded her letter neatly. As much as she confided in Gemma, this letter was something that would only be shared between her and Tara. She slipped the letter into her bag and she looked across the room at her friend "Oh, nothing much. How's the chilli coming along?"

One of Gemma's hands rose to swipe her long fringe from out of her face, her face showing her disappointment. "It's a pile of shit, that's what it is. If I turn up at the fundraiser with it people are going to demand money off the hospital, rather than give it to them"

Catherine couldn't help but laugh, Gemma's perfectionism was always a source of humour in Catherine's eyes. "It'll be fine, your chilli's the best in California. It'll be so good they'll name the new paediatric ward after you"

Gemma's lips pursed as she tried to hide a smile but Catherine was distracted as she heard laughter from the garden. She peered out of the French windows that separated the living room to the outside space and her eyes rested on her eight year old daughter.

Tara shrieked with laughter as she ran across the lawn, her little legs carrying her as best they could. She quickly peered over her shoulder as she saw him running behind her, his speed allowing him to catch her up. She knew that a sneak attack of Jax with her water gun had been a mistake, she had known the moment that his big blue eyes became a little wider with shock as the ice cold water hit his chest. He had picked up his own pistol and chased her across the garden, hell bent on revenge.

And now she was backed up against his garden fence, her giggling, nervous body preparing itself for the onslaught of icy water, she had lost her own weapon in her speedy retreat. When she had arrived at his house her long brown hair had been neatly plaited but now as he looked at her, with his water gun still aimed, he saw that their hours of fun had caused her hair to come loose slightly.

He heard his baby brother's excited giggles behind him. "What'd you think Tommy? Do you think we should punish Princess Tara for her attack on Prince Jax or do you think we should show mercy and set her free?"

Jax quickly peered over his shoulder to see his confused eighteen month old brother stare back at him, as if pondering his complex question. It seemed that Thomas' answer was to bounce up and down on the blanket that Gemma had placed him on and clap his hands in delight.

Catherine continued to watch from the haven of the living room, where the children were unaware of her intrusive stare. She watched as Jax lowered his gun, resting it against his right thigh, and stared across at Tara, as if transfixed.

Gemma had made her way back into the kitchen, completely oblivious to the goings on in her garden. A new determination and Catherine's encouragement convinced her that she could salvage her chilli. She shouted into the living room at Catherine "Can I get you anything, doll?"

But Catherine took her time to reply, knowing that her shouting might interrupt this moment between the two children that she was staring out at. She looked at Jax's expression and a smile brightened Catherine's face. She knew that a young Jax Teller was in love. Whether he knew it or not, and it could be years before he admitted it, but that look said it all. He was in love with her daughter.

Jax's heart beat just that little bit faster than normal and his young mind didn't know why exactly. He ignored the cool water that dripped off his body, water that Tara had soaked him with just moments ago. He listened to her anxious giggle, saw her long arms reach out towards him in surrender, she was still unsure as to whether he would quickly raise his pistol and squirt her with his gun after lulling her into a false sense of security. So he dropped his gun and slowly walked across to her, shortening the space between them. His hand reached out and grabbed one of hers.

"I think I'll show mercy" and with that he brought her small hand up to his mouth and planted a kiss on his Princess's hand.

Catherine's smile became just a little wider and the realisation hit her. She turned her head towards the kitchen, her small voice answering Gemma's earlier question, "No thanks, I think I just found what I'm looking for"

And as she peered out of the windows, at a still entranced Jax and Tara, she knew it would be just a matter of time until they both admitted that they had found what they needed too.

Each other.


End file.
